Practical Parenting Tips: Handling Conflict About Rules
Many parents fret that setting firm rules may distance them from their kids. But this simply isn’t the case. Though they may gripe and complain and get upset when you become the enforcer, they realize deep down that this shows you care. These parameters you set and enforce make your son or daughter feel loved, safe, and secure.
It’s never easy developing and introducing rules. Parents may tend to avoid setting rules because they fear confrontation and unpleasantness. But the uncomfortable stuff isn’t necessarily a reflection on your relationship with your son or daughter, it’s just the nature of adolescence – breaking rules and pushing limits is a part of growing up. We tend to want to be our son or daughter’s friend sometimes, and when we’re laying down the law that just isn’t possible. As a parent our primary role is to protect, nurture and provide for our children.
When kids break rules, parents often overreact with harsh, disproportionate and unenforceable punishment, which undermines the effectiveness of setting rules. Instead, when you first tell your son or daughter about a new rule, discuss the consequences of breaking that rule – what the punishment will be and how it will be carried out. Consequences must go hand in hand with limits so that your son or daughter knows what the cost of breaking the rules will be. The punishments you set should be reasonable and related to the violation. For example, if you catch your son and his friends smoking, you might “ground” him by restricting his social activities for 7 days.
Punishments should only involve penalties you discussed before the rule was broken. Also, never issue empty threats. It’s understandable that you’ll be angry when house rules are broken, and sharing your feelings of anger, disappointment, or sadness can have a powerfully motivating effect on your son or daughter. Since we’re all more inclined to say things we don’t mean when we’re upset, it’s sometimes best to give ourselves a time-out period to cool off before we say something we don’t mean.
Make the ground rules crystal clear to your son or daughter. It’s imperative that you are consistent and follow through with a defined disciplinary action after each infraction, and that your son or daughter understands the reasons why.
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Originally posted 2008-05-12 04:20:24.
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Jess,I think we are headed into a great turning.I think the speaker in your post is headed straight ahead – and if we continue to follow that crap it will be a train wreck.Having watched the past 6 years, I think it is really, really important we get it right next time out: woman, man; black, white, red…; Democrat, Republican don't matter. Let's be sure we get a vision for a better world and the integrity and vitality to fight for that.The wind and the waves favor the skilled sailor
No, not necessarily. It should just be interesting, as in "interest". Generally, a human interest story is something that is unique, unusual or emotionally touching.
'Time out' doesn't work. With some brats, you have to take the heavy big belt to their butts lol. Some folks never "wise up". They die dumb and stupid. They are hilarious to watch though.